Louis Walsh, of X Factor and impresario behind Westlife and Boyzone, is a man much mocked. Firstly, he?s mocked for his terrible taste in music. Secondly, he?s quite clearly in the middle of very long nervous breakdown. Thirdly, everyone likes to point at him and say ?gay?.
Now, with a combination of the stresses of fame, the assumed mental illness and his presumed closeting himself, it is surprising that someone hasn?t alleged that Walsh has touched them inappropriately before.
But now they have! Hurray! And better yet, it has allegedly happened in the toilets of a nightclub, which is textbook tabloid scandal fodder.
Before we get going, let us just get this legal bit out of the way as qualifier and safeguard to any future jokes which may come across as scurrilous libel. *clears throat* Louis Walsh has ?vigorously denied? allegations that he indecently assaulted a young man at a nightclub in Dublin. The Sun said it first, so sue them.
Okay? Good.
Anyway, the police are investigating Walsh after some fella claimed that Louis Walsh grabbed him by the balls in the toilets of a club called Krystle.
The chap in question says that Walsh groped his privates, which is nice. It?s just a different way of shaking hands isn?t it? Or maybe the 24 year old single father had a bit of water on his groin regions which Walsh was simply trying to dry for him. Repeatedly. Until he got hard.
That said, Walsh isn?t happy about this at all. In fact, he?s vowed to fight all the way to defend his name, whatever that means.
Walsh says:
?The allegations made against me are wholly false and with no foundation. I will happily cooperate fully with the police and am 100 per cent confident that after a full investigation I will be fully exonerated.?
He then hoped to see a black policeman so he could say ?you remind me of a young Lenny Henry?.
The Gardai will be very interested in this case because, as well you know, homosexuality is still outlawed in Ireland unless you?re wearing priest robes and the groped is under the age of sexual consent, in which event, it is actively encouraged.
We can only hope that the chap Louis is alleged to have fondled appears as a hopeful on the new series of The X Factor, mainly because the incredible pain and awkwardness would make for brilliantly grisly television for us braying simpletons.
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Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Hecklerspray/~3/lULYCob_3h4/201161047.php
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